Cucumbers and Crisco
My recent adventure to the Grocery store was not what I expected, turns out it was incredibly entertaining. I thought.
What I’m about to say may shock you, or maybe not. That depends on your frame of mind and your experiences so far in life. Sorry to mention it wasn’t a hot guy pulling his shorts down so I could see his Calvin Klein’s or to take a sneak peek at his muscled butt like what happened a few weeks back at checkout line number two. What I saw this time started out as inquisitiveness and then it turned into a flat out OMG.
Once again it all went down while I was waiting in line to cash out my edible purchases at register number two. That aisle was becoming famous for me and would be a regular pit stop each Saturday morning if the same shit keeps happening.
Okay, I was minding my own business while loading up the conveyer with what I had in my push cart, when all of a sudden I spotted it moving toward the cashier like a dead turd it didn’t want to be. Just lying there like it was doomed. At first I thought, what on earth would somebody do with a cucumber that size? Especially that guy. He was in decent shape but not someone I’d call a health nut, so again I thought, ‘what on earth.’ The veggie was enormous and I honestly had no idea farmers grew them that big. Holy crap.
I then thought no further about it and figured, okay, he’s going to have a big salad for dinner or perhaps invite the family and maybe a few friends over to share the thing at the dining table. No big deal. From there I went about my business and finished what I started until my push cart was empty, with much smaller items than what was moving down the conveyer ahead of me. As I stood there waiting, I couldn’t stop staring at the great big vegetable. It was just so amazing and its size kept stealing my attention. I smirked and watched it wobble.
Once more, I went on minding my own business when I felt a tap on my shoulder from behind and heard a timid voice ask if he could squeeze ahead of me to add one more item to his purchases already moving down the runway.
If you are anything like me, I get irritated when one person starts loading the conveyer while the other continues shopping for additional last minute items that will be added right before it’s my turn to step up to the service window. For the love of Pete, get your shit and then get in line. That’s how it works.
HOW-EVERRRRRR. This little line crasher I let slide by and here’s why: The little man that tapped me on the shoulder and wanted to slip ahead of me had what I believe to be the dressing for the cucumber. I don’t know for sure, but I had a hunch. He was carrying the biggest bucket of Crisco I had ever seen, one that would be found in a large bakery that needs massive amounts of it. He brought up six pounds of the stuff in a single tub. Lots of it in my opinion.
My jaw dropped because I’ve heard of the many uses for Crisco and I’m NOT talking about adding it to any recipe in the kitchen. These guys had other plans for the tub of Crisco and I’m ninety nine percent sure that cucumber was part of the deal. My thoughts ran wild, my jaw dropped, my eyes just about popped out of their sockets and landed next to the cucumber and the Crisco tub. An OMG moment for sure. I was actually loving it and glad I was the one to be witnessing it. The boys were in love, I presumed, and were planning a healthy connection that involved the two items I could not stop staring at.
I’m a little bummed about what I’m going to say next because you just don’t see these two items being purchased together on a regular basis, or anything of this magnitude. I know you all count on me to properly document my adventures, because it’s the way it is and is expected of Gregory Jonathan Scott.
Here’s the kicker that griped my goat; I left my snapshot phone in the car so I couldn’t even get a picture to show how funny this was or pass on the shock factor that I was lucky enough to have bestowed upon me. If anybody can save the day and add a picture of the biggest cucumber they have ever seen to prove to others these monsters exist, please load it up and send it. A great big tub of Crisco would be funny too. Let the fun begin. Whoo-hoo!
Yours truly, Gregory Jonathan Scott
Book Title: Take To The Sky
Author: Gregory Jonathan Scott
Publisher: Gregory Jonathan Scott LLC; 2 (October 14, 2014)
Book Length: 255 pages
Genre: Gay, Romance
In a secret Michigan Laboratory, an experiment developed a superior creation that was anticipated but not expected. He was the ultimate conception, a core life-being merged with avian. He was born with a gift, a rare one; the ability to fly.
His wings instinctively brought out the urge in him to fly, and Kellan's need to be free became his obsession.
When the dark, swirling clouds loomed one night, Kellan abandoned the place he had called home, taking to the sky in search of his freedom and to seal his heart that seemed incomplete.
Because Kellan's secret was too great for anyone outside the institute to know about, TC unleashed genetically altered Maniacs to bring him back.
Through independence, his amazing reality brought riveting adventures to a man he found and couldn't seem to live without. They get tangled with hair-raising suspense that adds heart-pounding tension to every attempt they make at living their unique affair. They faced uncertainty so hectic that staying together was the least of their challenges, and it caused many of their bouts with passion to spiral in and out of chaos.
Along their frenzied path to survive, hidden secrets surface about Kellan, prompting each move they make in order to truly set him free.
Could Kellan's one true love and passion to fly be the death of him?
It's a magnificently inventive adventure of menace, romance, and extreme erotic pleasures.